purrrplej's Journal
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
7:18AM - Trying to look on the bright side...
I shouldn't let people from work bring me down. I have plenty of family and friends who care about me, and of course my kitties love me and think I'm the greatest human in the world. (Who am I to argue with them? :-) ). I have a good-paying job that fulfills me when there is actually work to do (which is all too infrequently). I have a bright future, potentially, in the library field after I get done with school, which will be very soon. I am involved in volunteer activities that make me feel good, and will be expanding those (working with a couple animal shelters, with the cats). So all in all, I have a pretty good life. I try very hard to be likable, but if I fail in the eyes of some people, so be it. Life shouldn't be solely about pleasing other people; it should be about fulfilling yourself. And I have a lot going for me, regardless of whoever might want to bring me down.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down..."
okaySaturday, November 13, 2010
10:22PM - Miss Unpopularity?
I have accepted the fact that I am not very popular at work (my main job... things are fine at my second job). This past week, there was a happy hour for a departing employee, and nobody bothered to invite me. I also get omitted from invitations to group lunch outings. When I ask co-workers questions about their lives, I get evasive or one-word answers. They don't seem interested in much of what I have to say about my own life. My supervisor speaks to me condescendingly and sarcastically in front of the others, so I'm sure my unpopularity with her affects the attitudes of my co-workers toward me. I'm the department pariah, I guess. I try to be pleasant and cheerful. It's hard for me to relate to people sometimes because of my bipolar disorder. I get moody and impatient and frustrated easily. I'm not good at masking my emotions. But I have genuinely tried to be likeable. It is saddening that I have apparently failed.
Oh well, from now on, I will just give up on trying to be friendly to my co-workers. I will take no interest in their lives. I will be civil and businesslike, and that's that. I will stop talking about my own interests and activities. I will stop expecting to be included in their outings. I will just do my job, and keep telling myself that at least I am earning a good living...
crushedTuesday, November 2, 2010
3:25PM - The latest
My two babies are getting along great. The chasing has resumed, but this time I think it's just a game. Yuki sometimes even provokes Murray intentionally. I have seen Murray show some tentative signs of affection (nuzzling, licking, etc.). Murray is even letting Yuki lie in bed with me sometimes, but other times he decides he wants the bed/me all to himself and runs Yuki out of the bed quite rudely.
They are eating each other's food, which isn't good for either of them - Murray has a mix that includes a food that isn't good for kittens under nine months. Meanwhile, kitten food is high in fat and calories, and Murray is already overweight and shouldn't be eating that. So I'm going to try a supervised feeding schedule. It will require some juggling of my busy schedule (and getting up early, ugh), but I love them enough to make some sacrifices. If scheduled feedings don't work, then I'll just put out the adult foods other than the one that's bad for kittens, and free-feed them both. Yuki should be okay on good-quality adult food.
Ugh, I wish I could win the lottery and have no financial stress ever again. I'm floundering, trying to pay all my bills. Doesn't help that I went over $100 over my minutes this past month on my cell. Oops. Never happened before. Oh well, I upgraded to the unlimited plan...
Friday, October 29, 2010
7:28AM - Kitty update
I am so very glad I got Yuki. He is so sweet and loving - he loves to climb on my lap and snuggle and be petted. Not that Murray hasn't given me lots of love and affection, but he isn't much of a lap cat; he usually prefers to sit in the same room as me, at a slight distance, coming up to me every now and then to get petted a bit. (And he likes to sleep in the bed with me at night, and get petted quite a bit when he's in bed with me.) It is nice to have a cute little kitten who likes to sit in my lap with me while I watch TV, listen to music, etc. I try to give Murray plenty of attention, too - talking/singing to him, etc. - so he doesn't feel too jealous. He seems to be accepting Yuki's role as a lap cat, after some initial jealousy. Meanwhile, Yuki has accepted that Murray likes having the bed and me to himself at night. I wish they would both sleep with me, but if Murray feels more secure without Yuki in the bed, so be it...
cheerfulTuesday, October 26, 2010
10:05AM - Murray and Yuki have met
I let Murray, the "established" cat, and Yuki, the new cat, meet last night face to face. It was a half-success: Yuki seemed to like Murray (even purred when he first saw him), and kept approaching him trying to be friendly. Murray, however, responded by chasing him and swatting at him with a paw. I don't think he meant to hurt him, I think he was just trying to show who was boss. This chasing behavior continued for the whole two hours I had between jobs, so when I left for my second job, I separated them again.
When I came home, I opened the door between them and let them be together while I went to bed. After a couple initial chases, things quieted down and were quiet all night (almost TOO quiet!). For a while, both cats were in my bed. Murray didn't seem happy to share the bed, but he grudgingly let Yuki stay after Murray swatted at Yuki a couple times but Yuki held his ground and didn't leave the bed.
I hope the relatively quiet night was a good sign, that maybe Murray is adjusting to the idea and realizing that he's not going to get rid of Yuki. I'm sure he's a bit jealous, but hopefully he will come to see that I still love him as much as I ever did.
Monday, October 25, 2010
10:44AM - New kitty
I took the step of adopting a new kitten this weekend. He is about five months old, a Siamese/Snowshoe mix, and I have named him Yuki (Japanese for "snow"). He was very shy and skittish at first, but seems to be settling in comfortably now. He has gotten to the point where he loves to sit in my lap and cuddle and be petted. He is having fun playing with my other cat's toys (which are now his toys too now, I guess!). He is white and grayish-brown, with brown ears/tail, a little grayish-brown mask on his face, a pink and black nose, and pretty blue eyes. He is still quite small and still has that high-pitched kitten meow. He and my other cat are separated from each other by a door, but they have been playing paw-under-the-door and have shown no sign of hostility toward each other, so hopefully they will get along once I decide it's a good time to open the door and introduce them to each other. My other cat, Murray, has shown some signs of loneliness, meowing and scratching at the door when I have been in the other room with Yuki bonding with him, so I have tried to spend some time with Murray too so he doesn't feel neglected and pushed aside. At least Murray gets me all to himself all night, since his area includes my bedroom. I really hope the two kitties get along, because I have bonded quite well with Yuki and have gotten rather attached to him...
Monday, October 11, 2010
1:58PM - Tummy trouble
I ended up in the emergency room last week (2:30 a.m. Thursday morning) with horrific stomach and back cramps. They thought it might be kidney stones, but the cat scan was negative for that, as well as for appendicitis, and they also ruled out liver malfunction. So they couldn't tell me what it was. But at least the morphine they gave me knocked out the pain. I've been pain-free ever since. I'm wondering whether it was caused by stress, because I had spent all day Wednesday stressing over my financial situation... juggling all my expenses, which are far more than my income, and trying to figure out how I could manage without getting sued by my creditors.
Things are looking up. I have cut several nice deals with credit card companies for lower-interest/lower-minimum payment plans. I have decided to focus on paying these several cards the required minimum amount, and pay just enough on the other cards to avoid getting sued (hopefully!). My big tax refund I am expecting should help a lot.
I cut ties with the new friend with Asperger's syndrome. For a couple reasons: first, he got on my nerves with the odd mannerisms caused by the disorder. Second, and more important, he was getting far too attached to me. He wanted a level of closeness I could not give. I was being suffocated, with him expecting me to spend too much time with him, and with him being ultra-sensitive and getting upset if he felt I didn't hug him enthusiastically enough, or because he thought I didn't wave goodbye to him (though I did), etc. He clearly wants to be more than just friends, but I don't, and that would just hurt his feelings in the end, anyway. I think it's best to make a clean break. I feel sorry for him, because it's hard for him to make friends due to his disorder. But he has the mentality and emotionality of a child, and I need grown-up friends...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
9:30AM - Murray now officially insured
I bought an insurance plan for Murray. So now I am prepared in case anything big happens. Hopefully I'll never have to use it, though!
The rabbi I had hired to study with several months ago, who was never available when he was supposed to be and who never called me back when he said he would, and whom I therefore fired, has been giving me the runaround regarding a refund for months. He claimed it had to go through an accountant, and then suddenly his grandmother died, and then suddenly his mother had a terminal illness, yada yada, so he wasn't able to have the accountant send a check for some reason, all that baloney. Now he's claiming a check was sent over a week ago, but I have received no such check. And he's claiming he gave me six lessons, but it couldn't have been more than two or three disjointed, stop-and-go lessons. He is nothing but a crook. I bet he's not even a real rabbi. If I don't get my money back soon, I will report him to the police...
aggravatedWednesday, September 29, 2010
8:28AM - Good samaritan
There still are some good people left in the world. I was at the supermarket this morning, very hungry with no food in the house or at work (except for a baked potato from Wendy's, left over from yesterday, but who wants that for breakfast?), and I was buying a box of cereal. But all I had to pay with was a "starter check" from my new checking account. My old account was too drained to tap into, and I had no cash. And my debit card had been reported "lost," so though I had found it, I couldn't use it. So all I had was the starter check. And the store refused to accept it because it didn't have my name and address on it. Stupid. Noplace else does that. Anyway, this guy overheard me pleading with the store manager, telling him I'm desperate for food and have no money, and the guy offered to pay my $3.04 bill. I was so grateful! I'll have to hit the bank today to take out some cash till my replacement debit card comes. (And until my "real" checks arrive.)
Had dinner last night at my new friend's (Matt, the guy with Asperger's syndrome). He is a very good cook - made pork chops, yum. I didn't stay too late, though, because I was dead tired, having not slept well the night before. He showed me some of his women's shoe collection. He has ugly taste in women's shoes, good thing he's a guy, *snicker*. He tried some on, and it was amusing watching him walk in heels. He walks like, well, a guy walking in heels. Kinda stomping. Men and women just walk differently, I guess, regardless of the shoes on their feet. Oh well, at least he doesn't walk better in heels than I do!
He's a little annoying when it comes to conversation. He lacks social skills to some degree due to the Asperger's. If he's not interested in something I try to talk about, he doesn't even fake interest or pretend to listen. And he doesn't always communicate very clearly, and uses some irritating mannerisms. But at least he's nice. And honest. And he keeps telling me how wonderful I am. Who can argue with that? :-)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
12:53PM - Pet insurance
I've spent the last couple days shopping for pet insurance for my Murray. Just in case something big ever came up. There are a number of different plans, with lots of factors to consider - cost, annual limits, lifetime limits, per-incident limits, whether they cover continuing coverage for medical conditions such as diabetes, etc. I think I've chosen which plan I want - Purina. They have no per-incident or lifetime coverage caps, and their annual maximum benefit is $20,000, which sounds like plenty. Their prices are good, too. For the amount of coverage they offer, their rates are the best.
I'm also going to start an emergency vet fund, socking away some money each month in a savings account that I will not touch for other purposes. Since I would have to pay up front for any vet bills that might come up (the insurers work on a reimbursement basis). And right now, I would not be able to come up with the extra money. So I need to start saving, just in case. I will see if I can start a medical emergency savings fund for myself, as well. It's hard when money is so tight for me, but I should start saving...
Monday, September 27, 2010
11:48AM - No theft, after all
Turns out I wasn't ripped off at work after all - found my missing cards under the passenger seat of my car. I had tossed my purse in the back seat when I had a passenger, and the cards must have fallen out of my wallet. And as for my missing checkbook, it turned up right where it belonged - in my purse, all along. But when I needed it, I rummaged around in it and couldn't find it. You know you have a lot of junk in your purse when...
Meanwhile, I got a pornographic letter from the prisoner I was writing to as a pen pal. (Yeah, I know, writing to a prisoner, maybe not the brightest thing in the world to do... was just trying to do a good deed.) Definitely not the kind of thing I was looking for. I reported it to the prison where he is being kept and will hope that they will block any future correspondence from him to me. And I'm definitely not writing him anymore!! I gave his name to a friend in case something ever happens to me, like I mysteriously turn up murdered or something if this guy ever gets out of prison. You just never know!
I have a sinus infection in just half my nose. Kind of bizarre. I hope the antibiotics knock it out.
Friday, September 24, 2010
10:27AM - Workplace thieves?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
7:47AM - New friend
Went mini-golfing last night with a guy I met online. I actually hadn't been trying to meet anyone online - I was just on OKCupid because they have all sorts of "personality tests" to waste time on. But this guy saw my pic/profile and liked them, and pursued me. I am only interested in being friends (both in general, and with this particular guy), but as long as he's cool with that, then great. He's a bit of an odd duck - he has Asperger's syndrome, a type of autism, so he is somewhat socially awkward/unconventional. But I like him. He is very talkative. And very honest. He has no problem telling me often how wonderful he thinks I am. Very nice for the ego. :-) Also because he is honest, he has revealed that he used to have an addiction to naughty 900 numbers, and he likes (in the privacy of his own home) wearing women's shoes. He has about 200 pairs - more women's shoes than I have, and I thought I had a lot! I am very open minded about that sort of thing (and curious, I guess - I wrote a paper in college about cross-dressers), so it doesn't bother me at all. I figure, hey, whatever floats your boat...
I'd like to see him again, because he was fun to be with despite his eccentricities. We've tentatively planned on attending the Skynyrd concert at the state fair next month, and he would like to home-cook me a nice meal soon (he studied culinary arts in college but didn't graduate). I won't turn down a free, home-cooked meal!
He is glad to have a new friend, because he doesn't really have any other friends here, and I am glad too because my best friend here has been up to her neck in writing her dissertation and I haven't seen her in months. My other friends live out of state. So I haven't really had a social life lately.
I seem to get along well with people who are a little odd, probably because I'm a bit odd myself, being bipolar... (speaking of which, this new guy is bipolar, too... something else we have in common, besides liking women's shoes! :-) )
chipperWednesday, September 22, 2010
9:34AM - Ending Day in Review
OK, I think I've got the point of the Day in Review exercise - that I always have a lot more to be thankful for than to see as negatives in my life. :-) So I'm going to end the practice, for now...
Monday, September 20, 2010
10:29AM - Day in Review: Sunday
Positives:
- I am alive!
- I had no car accidents
- I HAVE a car :-)
- I had enough food to eat
- I have nice clothes and shoes to wear
- I have no debilitating physical illnesses, disabilities, deformities, etc.
- I have a nice apartment
- I have a wonderful kitty
- Spent some quality time with Murray
- No work - yay!
- Did volunteer work at church
- Enjoyed Baha'i study circle
Negatives:
- Learned I only have about $20 in bank account :-(
10:28AM - Day in Review: Saturday
Positives:
- I am alive!
- I had no car accidents
- I HAVE a car :-)
- I had enough food to eat
- I have nice clothes and shoes to wear
- I have no debilitating physical illnesses, disabilities, deformities, etc.
- I have a nice apartment
- I have a wonderful kitty
- Spent some quality time with Murray
- Got to sleep in
- Price changes at shoe store job made the night go faster than usual
Negatives:
- None, really
10:26AM - Day in Review: Friday
Positives:
- I am alive!
- I had no car accidents
- I HAVE a car :-)
- I had enough food to eat
- I have nice clothes and shoes to wear
- I have no debilitating physical illnesses, disabilities, deformities, etc.
- I have a nice apartment
- I have a wonderful kitty
- Boss actually didn't fly off the handle about a mistake I had made
Negatives:
- Didn't get to spend any time with Murray - worked both jobs back to back
- Boredom at work
Friday, September 17, 2010
10:02AM - Day in review: Thursday
Positives:
- I am alive!
- I had no car accidents
- I HAVE a car :-)
- I had enough food to eat
- I have nice clothes and shoes to wear
- I have no debilitating physical illnesses, disabilities, deformities, etc.
- I have a nice apartment
- I have a wonderful kitty
- Spent some quality time with Murray
- Made plans for dinner with new online acquaintance. Am sure I just want to be friends, but hey, new friends are cool.
Negatives:
- Got backed into by a semi truck (but fortunately, no damage)
- Doctor unavailable to write an urgent prescription
- Was sent snide e-mail complaining about me, by mistake, by co-worker (see post)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
3:55PM - Grrrrr
No good deed goes unpunished, I guess... One woman at work has a husband who was in a bad car accident, so she missed a couple of days to be with him. In the meantime, the boss asked me to do this other woman's projects for her. So I did. Apparently on one project I had overlooked a split telephone number (split between two lines), which we had traditionally fixed but might not do so going forward. Anyway, the woman today had to redo the projects because of other, unrelated issues, and her version (completely reformatted, not using my version) turned out with the exact same "error," which I found while proofreading her document. So I pointed it out in an e-mail, as we traditionally do with errors. She meant to e-mail the boss a snide e-mail about me, blaming ME for the error because it was wrong on the first version, too, and therefore the document compare feature in Word didn't catch it the second time around (but I don't think Word compare would have caught it, anyway, even if it had been right the first time). She complained that there is no such thing as a free lunch, you always get caught in the snare somehow, etc. Anyway, instead of e-mailing the boss, she mistakenly sent the nasty e-mail to ME. Oops. I called her on it, and she tried to lie and say it was meant for me, it wasn't complaining about me, etc., but that was so ludicrous that she ultimately admitted it and apologized. Her excuse was that her husband's injuries are leaving her frazzled, plus she feels pressure regarding errors due to a new quality program instituted by management, in which we are "scored" on our performance. I accepted the apology just for the sake of an adequate working relationship, but I am angry that the hard work I did on her behalf isn't appreciated. Yeah, maybe I had an "error," but she made the same error and should have caught it. And since SHE is the one who proofread the first version, she should have caught it the first time, too! I forwarded her e-mail to the boss (where it was intended to go anyway) and remarked that I am disappointed that my help isn't appreciated. It certainly makes me less willing to help out in the future, for fear I will be blamed for something. And I certainly don't trust this woman anymore. I already had bad feelings toward her because she had forwarded, behind my back, to the boss an e-mail to her and another woman in which I stated I didn't know how to do something, and the boss thought I should know how. So it made me look bad to the boss. This woman is a sneaky one. Oh well, maybe she's just bitter because she's old but can't afford to retire yet...
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